292; 12020 H.E.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.

285; 12020 H.E.

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother’s father dad.

— William Shakespeare, "Kind John"

281; 12020 H.E.

In a mad world, only the mad are sane.

— Akira Kurosawa

280; 12020 H.E.

Ours [i.e., the Christian religion] is assuredly the most ridiculous, the most absurd and the most bloody religion which has ever infected this world. Your Majesty will do the human race an eternal service by extirpating this infamous superstition, I do not say among the rabble, who are not worthy of being enlightened and who are apt for every yoke; I say among honest people, among men who think, among those who wish to think. … My one regret in dying is that I cannot aid you in this noble enterprise, the finest and most respectable which the human mind can point out.

— Voltaire to Frederick II, 1767

278; 12020 H.E.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

— Mark Twain

275; 12020 H.E.

Fate goes ever as fate must.

— Beowulf, 455

274; 12020 H.E.

Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.

— Benjamin Franklin

273; 12020 H.E.

The meaning of life is that it ends

— Franz Kafka

272; 12020 H.E.

Thank goodness technology progressed to the point where we don’t have to deal with our issues privately

271; 12020 H.E.

All it takes for evil to succeed, is for good people to say - "It’s a business"

265; 12020 H.E.

There are no bad questions, only horrible answers

260; 12020 H.E.

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

— Woody Allen

259; 12020 H.E.

Man plans, God laughs

257; 12020 H.E.

No good deed goes unpunished.

256; 12020 H.E.

There are no sides in this world, only players

249; 12020 H.E.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

— Aristotle

248; 12020 H.E.

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.

— Bruce Lee

247; 12020 H.E.

Those who abjure violence can do so only because others are committing violence on their behalf.

— George Orwell

241; 12020 H.E.

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

Louie

238; 12020 H.E.

Almost nothing great has ever been done in the world except by the genius and firmness of a single man combating the prejudices of the multitude.

— Voltaire, correspondence with Catherine the Great

237; 12020 H.E.

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.

— Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents

236; 12020 H.E.

Вот как нам писать. Пушкин приступает прямо к делу. Другой бы начал описывать гостей, комнаты, а он вводит в действие сразу

— Л. Н. Толстой (запись в дневнике С. А. Толстой от 19 марта 1873).

232; 12020 H.E.

"Internally, Emacs still belives it’s a text program, and we pretend Xt is a text terminal, and we pretend GTK is an Xt toolkit. It’s a fractal of delusion."

— marai2 (Hackernews comments)

230; 12020 H.E.

Against stupidity the very gods; Themselves contend in vain.

— Friedrich Schiller

226; 12020 H.E.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

— Oscar Wilde

223; 12020 H.E.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

— Oscar Wilde

222; 12020 H.E.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde

219; 12020 H.E.

Let us cultivate our garden.

— Candide

214; 12020 H.E.

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn’t there, and finding it.

— Oscar Wilde

213; 12020 H.E.

In all the known history of Mankind, advances have been made primarily in physical technology; in the capacity of handling the inanimate world about Man. Control of self and society has been left to to chance or to the vague gropings of intuitive ethical systems based on inspiration and emotion. As a result no culture of greater stability than about fifty-five percent has ever existed, and these only as the result of great human misery.

— Isaac Asimov

212; 12020 H.E.

The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing.

— Isaac Asimov

207; 12020 H.E.

Excessive bureaucracy is the start of the fall of any civilization

206; 12020 H.E.

Все счастливые семьи похожи друг на друга, каждая несчастливая семья несчастлива по-своему.

— Leo Tolstoy

205; 12020 H.E.

It seems to me, Golan, that the advance of civilization is nothing but an exercise in the limiting of privacy.

— Janov Pelorat, Foundation’s Edge

204; 12020 H.E.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

— Arthur C. Clarke

203; 12020 H.E.

If this is the solution, I want my problem back.

— nosystemd.org

202; 12020 H.E.

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

— Oscar Wilde

201; 12020 H.E.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right

— Isaac Asimov

199; 12020 H.E.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

— Voltaire

197; 12020 H.E.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

— Isaac Asimov

196; 12020 H.E.

Committee, n.:

A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

– Fred Allen

Monday, July 6th, 2020

"When I picture it in my head I think of the early web as more of a library. Over time it has transitioned into a shopping mall."

– chris_f (Hacker News comments)

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

In each of us sleeps a genius… and his sleep gets deeper everyday.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

The galaxies hum the shape and form in their essence. That is their secret.

The particles whisper of the nature of proper interactions. That is their game.

And during a storm, in the forest, on the right night, it is no secret that the leaves all sing of God.

– Exurb1a, The Fifth Science

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. – Mark Twain

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

C++ is history repeated as tragedy. Java is history repeated as farce. – Scott McKay