On August 5th, 12023 H.E., my two best friends and I did the DougDoug Fast-Food Drive-Thru Challenge that involves

Usually, you would have 4 fighters going to 10 places. A couple of requirements apply:

However, we did it for the love of the game and there were only 3 of us. So, considering the average consumption per person is 5-6k calories ^I , we decided to roll up to 5 places and test our luck.

I will rely on MenuWithNutrition to tell me our caloric intake based on what we end up getting from each one of our stops. Pretty cool website, I must say. It just popped up as the first search result for “KFC calories.” Each meal will have the caloric intake and the CPF (Carbs, Protein, Fat) percentage in that order.

Because KFC is a required drive-thru to hit, I thought, “Well, if we end up with a big family basket—the run is as good as over.” We will try it as the first place, such that if we lose—we lose fast and ingloriously. But little did we know what Fast Food Gods had in store for us.

We pulled up to the drive-thru, last time having shared KFC for New Year’s or previous Thanksgiving (don’t remember, there was another meme we did)—the car in front of us looked to be a regular-looking car and all they had was: twenty-ish nuggets and two biscuit+coleslaw. My friends—this is an absolute win. Only costs about $22.05.

So, here is the breakdown of the two combos we got.

Even with a whole day’s worth of calories (I on average consume <1000 Cal), I would still consider our first stop to have set us on a world-record pace. It was also really good. Probably the best KFC I have had in years. Now, it’s time to go to the most famous and misunderstood real estate company in the world.

We could not not go to McDonald’s. The word “Fast Food” and McDonald’s are forever ethereally linked between and to each other. I have not personally gone to the chain for about 2-3 years. Just had a really bad experience once, which dissuaded me from ever craving that BigMac (meh) or fries again. But hey, aren’t we doing this for the love of the game?! Yet again, we could not have predicted what is yet to transpire.

As usual (we’re battle-hardened now), we rolled in to the drive-thru, “Uhm, hi, so... we have a bit of a strange request—can we order whatever the car in front of us had? ... Yeah, just the same thing. Don’t care what they had—I’ll have it too” And we really had to do it, as the big F-150 in front of us looked rather daunting when it comes to a regular’s order of stinky don.

“Brace yourselves, brothers.”—huh. A single order of Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese?! (In France they call it, Royale with Cheese ^II ). Phew. Okay. We have been savee—

“Jame. What is this? Why did we just get handed over 3 bags full of McDonald’s food and immediately saluted goodbye to?” Oh. Ohhh. They gave us the wrong order. Instead of getting a single meal, to which we paid exactly $10.35 for, we have just received a hundred dollars worth of lab goo, including: 6 double cheeseburgers, 40 Chicken McNuggets, 6 large fries, and 2 radioactive-looking drinks. Did we just rob a family or a kid’s birthday party of their food? Well, the staff doesn’t seem to want their food back either (they’ll just remake it).

On any given McDonald’s day—this would be fantastic news. However, this is detrimental to our current world-pace record drive-thru speedrun. So, if we recall the ancient texts from KnowYourMeme,

Technically speaking, “their” order was a single Royale with Cheese meal and not the Last Supper we got by mistake. So, I agreed to wolf down the burger, which I must say—was freaking delicious. Maybe I haven’t had a good McDonald’s or it’s been a while, but it was unironically really good. The calorie count for what we consumed this time was:

Not so bad if I do say so myself... One of us ended up taking the non-eligible-for-the-competition-food back home.

After the garfunkle with McDonald’s, it’s time to visit our first drink/dessert (the line has become beyond blurry here) place, because why not? I’m craving for something sweeeet.

A beaten-up family-style Ford in front of us had at least 5-6 people cruising together, which made us realize—our streak of luck might finally come to an end here. And Dunkin' ain’t such a bad spot to fold.

It especially came to a scare, when the lady started aggressively and audibly pressing some buttons on her keyboard, emitting 10 beeps per second, which led me to assume she was paging through the previous order.

Surprisingly enough, they ordered almost nothing. All we got after std::copy'ing their order were:

Again... not bad. Though I did feel bad for Jame, who just finished a big gulp of Mountain Dew from KFC and downed the double espresso from Dunkin'. To say the least, he was wired in.

This was just nasty. Someone in font of us ordered five Chicken Chipotle melts drowned in what I presume to be Sriracha? Not a graet experience through and through. It was shocking that as I’m the lightest and most dystrophic-looking guy, ate the most out of the pool. One of us had to chow down the whole thing.

Oh, and yeah. This order had no drinks. Turned out to be $13.61.

Last but not least—bux. The lady very politely, almost between-the-lines, yelled at us with, “Are you sure you want the previous order?” It’s the last stop, we have other things to do tonight, so let’s get this over with. “Yeah, please, we’ll have whatever the customer in front of us had!”

It. Was. A. Single. Iced. Pink. Drink. with coconut milk. I’ve got a picture where we all drink it together with separate straws. It’s real romantic, but I don’t feel like putting it here.

I guess... we got off real easy on this one. Haven’t we?

From the first receipt from KFC at 5:37 PM, finishing with the last Starbucks receipt closed on 6:52 PM and 5195 consumed calories (~1732 calories per person)—this turned out to be great success! And one of the least expensive hangouts we’ve had in a while (we venmoed like $20 per person). I was still hungry later that evening, so there was enough room for a full dinner with proper nutrition.